محتاج ضروري احد يصحح لي writing

[majrooh]

السلام عليكم...
اخواني عندي موضوع يبي له تعديل ما عليكم أمر بشكل مستعجل لأن التسليم بكره.

---

In recent years there has been a major development in video games that have spread everywhere and became as an alternative on the other entertainment means. They consider these games as a distinguished addition to the children that develop their knowledge and make them creators. Soon the situation changed and now these games cause a lot of bad effects on the children lives. Video games affect on children's health and on their studies, and have a profound effect in inciting children to violence and crime

Most children who play video games have health problems because of spending long hours in front of the TV screen and that is one of factors of obesity, which is a cause of diabetes and bone problems. Indicate the American Academy of Pediatrics that the excessive in these games leads to a weakening of sight, so a lot of children are forced to resort to medical glasses for that reason. From the psychological perspective, video games have a negative impact on the psyche of the child because the boy who used to play for long time became isolated over the time and he considers the video games as his only friend.

Children need during childhood to develop their learning skills such as listening and remembering, but the video games have a negative impact on the development of these skills. A study by the University of Denison that video games reduces the proportion of concentration and comprehension in children who play these games constantly. Moreover, the children who are accustomed to these games are not interested in study and more inclined to laziness and idle so, they lose vitals and that affects on doing the homework.

In additionto the above,forthese gamesa profound impactin the formation ofthe child's personality. Because mostgamesthat promoteviolenceand confrontationand murderwith the passage oftimeit becomesnaturalto the childanditis became just like a game, It also can creates deviant ideas that can grow with the child and affect his dealings with people.Effects of these games remain for a long time in the mind of the child and his knowledge consists in some important things only through these games which are filled with scenes of weapons and bombing and murder.

The bad effects resulting from video games were the cause of the emergence of many healthy and social problems in a child's life such as the violence and this requires the cooperation of everyone to reduce these risks, because the scientific development should not be a reason for decline in value of the human.

[الشهـــري]

In recent years there has been a major development in video games that have spread everywhere and became as an alternative on the other entertainment means. They consider these games as a distinguished addition to the children that develop their knowledge and make them creative. Soon the situation changed and now these games cause a lot of bad effects on the childrens lives. Video games affect on children's health and on their studies, and have a profound effect in inciting children to violence and crime

[الشهـــري]

Most children who play video games have health problems because they spend long hours in front of the TV screen and that is one of the factors of obesity, which causes diabetes and bone problems. The American Academy of Pediatrics Indicate that the excessive in these games lead to the weakening of eyesight, so a lot of the children are forced to resort to medical glasses for that reason. From the psychological perspective, video games have a negative impact on the psyche of the child, because the childe who plays for a long time becomes isolated over the time and he considers the video games as his only friend.

[الشهـــري]

Children in there childhood need to develop their learning skills such as listening and remembering, but the video games have a negative impact on the development of these skills. A study by the University of Denison showed that video games reduces the proportion of concentration,and comprehension with children who play these games constantly. Moreover, the children who are accustomed to these games are not interested in studying and more inclined to laziness and idle so, they lose vitals and that affects on doing the homework and there daily chores.



memorising احسن من كلمة remembering

[الشهـــري]

In addition to the above,for these games a profound impact in the formation of the child's personality. Because most games that promote violence and confrontation and murder with the passage of time it becomes natural to the child acting just like the game, It also can creates deviant ideas that can grow with the child not knowing how to deal with people.Effects of these games remain for a long time in the mind of the child and his knowledge consists in some important things only through these games which are filled with scenes of weapons and bombing and murder.

[الشهـــري]

The bad effects resulting from video games can cause many social and health problems in a child's life such as violence.This requires the cooperation of everyone to reduce these risks, because the scientific development should not be a reason for declining human value .

[الشهـــري]

مداخلة بسيطة كثير من العبارات والعلوم المثبتة (facts) مكررة بشكل ملحوظ .

[majrooh]

الله يرحم والديك يالشهري ما قصرت.

الـ writing اللي قبل هذا عطوني فيه درجة ما تسر.

ان شاء الله هذا ينفع وقوي شوي؟؟

[الشهـــري]

اتمنى لك التوفيق اخي