[الملاك الأبيض]

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Violetta مرحبا بنات, رجاءاً شوفولي دا المقال عارفة انو في اشياء ناقصة بس ماني عارفة اش اكتب...

hi violeta

how r u ? allow me to share my comments about your essay

first of all you have a good compile of words Masha Allah and this is a good thing for writing .

second you r not suppose to abbreviate words like "ads"

another thing u should not put the introduction like this way
when we write an essay we suppose to put it as a whole portion divided into paragraphs , but still all together not like you did with your introduction.
something else i noticed that your paragraphs is very short nevertheless it has many information, yet they still so small and short ,and this is very clear in your conclusion.
you also didn't write a nice conclusion to end with strong emotion or quote u only wrote the reasons with out any result , you must to expand your conclusion into one that has a good result or solution or quote


thats all ,and please forgeve me if i bothered u in any way , yet we r here to be useful for each other and not to be flattering

regards to all of you and you will find other notes in the attachment . .